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The Odyssey (Happy Ending Version)

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Polyphemus stands on the shore, demanding to know the identity of the man who gouged his eye out with a sharpened stick. Safely on board his ship, Odysseus shouts back, "If anyone asks my name, tell's Agamemnon!" Because obviously, any man smart enough to conceive of the Trojan Horse, and smart enough to defeat a Cyclops, is also smart enough to deflect any retaliation away from himself.
Polyphemus prays to his father, Poseidon, and informs him that he has been blinded by Agamemnon. In response, the sea god vows that Agamemnon shall not return home, or at least not without a lot of trouble, and certainly not accompanied by any of his men.
Odysseus returns, directly and unimpeded, to Ithaca with all of his soldiers. There are no suitors to contend with, and no maidens have to be put to death. Odysseus is reunited with Penelope and ten-year-old Telemachus. Odysseus finds his father still fit and healthy, and his mother still alive as well. 
And they all live happily ever after.
Meanwhile, Agamemnon faces a series of trials that threaten his life and deprive him of his companions. He has no idea why. Eventually, Agamemnon ends up on an island with Calypso and, as Agamemnon is not known for being too discerning, and is also not overly fond of his wife back home, he decides to stay on the island with Calypso. 
And they both live happily ever after.
Back in Argos, Agamemnon is assumed to have perished along with his men. There is a period of mourning, then life moves on. Queen Clytemnestra takes Aegisthus to be her new husband and king of the realm. Agamemnon's children, including Orestes, have no reason to object. In time, Aegisthus becomes the father they have always wanted but never found in long-absent Agamemnon. 
And they all live happily ever after.
Poseidon returns to Polyphemus and tells his wounded son that justice has been obtained. The villainous Agamemnon has been punished and shall never again return to his home city of Argos. Also, Poseidon heals his son's eye, which he probably should have done at the start. 
And they live happily ever after as well.
And finally, in the land of King Alkinoos, the Phaeacians have had no contact with returning heroes of the Trojan War. They have kept for themselves the treasures they might have offered to Odysseus. They have not lost a ship full of sailors in their harbor. Their city was not buried under a mountain. And they too are free to live happily ever after.  

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